Carl Rogers, a psychologist who has written extensively on counseling relationship, said that there must be a some basic qualities that are essential to the helper if he/she wants to be helpful to people. These qualities can be grouped under following :

• Awareness of self and values
• Trust
• Warmth and caring
• Acceptance
• Empathy
• Knowledge

Whenever we are with another person, whether for the first time, or with an old friend, we engage in the process of learning more about one another. It may be a very superficial knowledge, such as the other person’s physical apperance, or it may be a very deep and involved knowledge, such as an intimate friend.

But we usually try to hid ourselves, our “REL” selves, behind a mask. And we assume that the other person is also hiding behind his mask. We hope that the other person responds to our mask, and we try to respond to theirs. Or do we not try to uncover the other person’s true self while protecting our own? The result is that we remain a mystery to one another.

On the other hand, with an intimate friend, we may have learned to drop our masks, although  it was probably a slow painful process of which we have no awareness. That other person now defined as a friend, is less mystery, less threat.

Assuming that real relationship are better than phony ones, and assuming that only through disclosing our selves can authentic relationships develop, what’s the hang-up? Why do we feel edgy with another person? or avoid it all together? Why does it take us so long to “Loosen up” and be ourselves, if we ever do? are there some short-cuts to really knowing another person?

What we fear from self disclosure :

1. Loss of respect : Moral judgement on the part of others.
2. Rejection:  The other person will no longer like us
3. Destruction: the other person will cripple or destroy us with our self information
4. Insight: we may find out unacceptable things about ourselves.
   

What we find out from self-disclosure :

1. How similar, and how different we are to other people in our thoughts, feelings, hopes and fears.
2. What the other person’s needs are, and how we can meet or frustrate them
3. How we stand in relation to others.

What we get from self -concealment:

1. Anxious! About ourselves and others
2. Guilty! About ourselves and our failure to take advantages of learning about ourselves and others.
3. Angry! About ourselves and others.
4. Depressed! about ourselves and the way others misperceived us.

What we get from self-disclosure:

1. Self-knowledge
2. Knowledge about others.
3. Love and ability to love others.
4. Feelings of stability

The key of self-disclosure is, of course, trust, Trust that self-disclosure will result in positive growth within. Trust that other person is a man of goodwill, and trust that the end result will be greater freedom to be oneself.

Get your self a piece of blank paper, draw four column, write down Strengths/Abilities in first column, Weakness/Hang-up in second column, Personality type in third column and last column Interest/Enjoy, then fill it up by your self

Be honest and trust your self, everything will in your hand soon.

My Paper :

Strengths/Abilities :

Learner, Good memory and knowledgeable.

Weakness/Hang-up:

Emotional, bad temper, inmature, inpatient , weak in communication, ego, weak social life, weak in all relationship, Tome bomb for other, Platitudes and cliches, FEAR.

Personality Type:

Emotion, crazy, uncontrollable, split personality, fear

Interest/Enjoy:

Think, analysis create and study

The best and most beautiful things in life, cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.

Helen Keller